We have memories that bring warm thoughts to us. When I smell minestrone soup cooking on a stove I remember my grandmother’s house with a pot on the wood burning stove. It brings up feelings of warmth, love, and nurturing.
We have memories that bring on smiles. Some smiles that are secretive, or full on. Certain songs bring out a smile and make me want to dance as I remember the boy or event that was attached to that song and era. Sometimes I reflect on a moment when my grown daughters were small and I laugh out loud. In December 2012 my grown daughters and I came back from a vacation where it was lovely and warm. The second we were crossing the border into Canada my youngest daughter (37) said, “I feel my tan leaving”. I still laugh out loud.
We have memories that arouse bittersweet memories. When I think of my mother I have such a feeling of love but even 6.5 years after her death I still miss her greatly. I still wonder if I could have done more. The same when I think of my father who passed 5.5 years ago, it brings sadness that I might have been able to do more and happy that he isn’t in mental or physical pain anymore.
We have memories that bring us pain. This is where the body cells come into play. Our body cells remember, (despite what scientist state), as well as our brain. We can hear a word and be transported back in time. For me the word is “stupid”. My first husband used to call me stupid all the time. So depending on my view of any given day I could either be upset with someone who uses that word or I can remember that the feeling is a memory only and not about this moment and time.
Trauma has a way of replaying itself if we don’t learn to distinguish between a historical event and the “here and now” event. A smell, a sound, a taste, a touch, a song, a place, an object can all transport us back to a traumatic event. This can be debilitating for some. How do we work through this? Working on what is rational and what is irrational thinking is helpful. Sometimes you need a professional to help you heal and find your true self inside. CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) is a wonderful tool. No matter what, find someone to help you walk through these painful times and learn to grow and not stay stunted in the past.
Not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory
She is smiling alone
In the lamplight
The withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan
Memory
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile happy your days ( I can dream of the old days)
Life was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again
Every street lamp seems to beat
A fatalistic warning
Someone mutters and the street lamp gutters
And soon it will be morning
Daylight
I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I must’nt give in
When the dawn comes
Tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will beginBurnt out ends of smoky days
The still cold smell of morning
A street lamp dies ,another night is over
Another day is dawning
Touch me,
It is so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me,
You’ll understand what happiness is
Look, a new day has begun…
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