Forgiveness is something that so many people struggle with. I have worked with many people over the years who have had very traumatic experiences. The idea of forgiving someone who has wounded you so deeply is sometimes difficult to wrap your head around.
Some of what I am writing here may seem trite or like a platitude, but the reality is there is truth in what I write.
Forgiveness = Freedomness. Forgiveness is NOT about accepting, condoning, or forgetting someone else’s bad behaviour; it is about you being free of toxicity. It is about you learning what triggers the emotions and feelings and having the tools to deal with them when they arise. The old adage by Nelson Mandala is, “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” Putting this into context, it is you full of toxicity (poison) and hoping the person who you believe caused your wounds, to die. It won’t happen.
The person whom you believe wronged you has already gone on with their life. You are the one left behind holding onto anger, resentment, bitterness, hatred, fear. All of these negative emotions have a negative effect on your physical self and on your psychological self.
You may suffer from: migraines, high blood pressure, irregular heart beat, upset stomach, nausea, knots in your stomach and chest, sore back, all over fatigue, soreness in every muscle in your body, body sores. Clenching your jaw, your fists, and your eyes. Hair turning white! Nightmares, obsessive behaviours (binge eating, drinking/drugs, sex, gambling, work), insomnia, difficulty concentrating, depression,stress, anxiety, high and lows.
While you take sick days, have difficulty getting out of bed, difficulty managing small tasks or concentrating, relationship issues; the person who you believe wounded you is bounding through their life. So it begs the question of why you have decided to give up on yourself/life while someone else goes forward free of regret.
Let’s look at what steps you can take:
1. If you have guilt, what did you think you could have done differently in that situation? You probably did the best you could with the knowledge and skills that you had at the time. Let it go and move forward!
2. Take your power back!!!!! The more you think of the other person the more you put that person on a pedestal and give them power. Think of evil as a great sucking machine. In order for evil to survive it needs power and every time you get angry it is the machine sucking the life out of you and into it. Every time you feel guilty the machine takes action. Every negative thought that you have regarding the situation puts the machine into action and deflates you, your soul, your morals, values and beliefs. Let it go and move forward!
3. Ask your self is there anything positive I can do about this situation? If yes, then what are the steps and then when will you take action, now or later. Do the steps then Let it go and move forward!. If the answer is no, then Let it go and move forward!
4. Meditate on the situation and listen to your inner self. Your gut reaction is the one to listen to not the negative thoughts in your head, heart, muscles, and chest. Then Let it go and move forward!
5. Pray for their soul and let yours rise and shine again. Pity them for they are living an empty life. Then let it go and move forward!
6. Start keeping track of all the things that you are grateful for! Then Let it go and move forward.
7. Finally the hardest one of all, what positive came out of the bad experience. E.g. abusive relationship – forced me to become assertive and gave me a “you will never beat me again at anything” attitude! Have this caused you to help out others who have been in a similar situation? Did this situation have you seek professional help? Did this situation send you back to school or research? What is the positive out of the negative? Then, Let it go and move forward!!
Above all, Take Care, Stay Safe, and Be Kind!